Thursday 6 June 2024

Prime of My Life?

Ok, let's get this out of the way:

Yes, it's been a long time since I updated this site.

Yes, I have changed jobs/houses/cities/countries again, and yes, my children are now all bigger than me, which isn't fair. It's been a lot (especially the last bit).

But, let's talk about something else.

Doctor, Doctor!

While the kids had checkups and shots several months ago—because otherwise they couldn't go to school and I would have to teach them myself (no thank you)—I had my own first US medical experience yesterday, because, yikes, expensive. 

(We still sort of have Canadian healthcare, but it's a long, complicated process for partial reimbursement. We are very excited that we may, one day, get back a portion of the cost of the kids' state-required health assessments and immunizations, which, when it comes in, will literally pay for a weekend in New York).

For me, I'd found it impossible to find a doctor for myself, giving up after about four months of frustration. 

But then Fis had a concern, and couldn't find a doctor in two days. So, he asked his colleagues what they did. (See, four months, above.) 

So, here's what he found out: somehow, "Amazon Doctors" are a thing (what is HAPPENING???). I signed up for this via my Prime membership (WHAT) two days ago... and had an appointment with my lovely new primary care practitioner yesterday morning. I left with referrals for a whole slew (not just half a slew, as you might expect) of other doctors, including  a dermatologist and a radiologist, and bloodwork (hello, cholesterol) too. 

I think my warranty has expired. 

Jumpstart my parts

Point: my left shoulder, last year, hurt so badly all the time that I could no longer do pushups.* (Gasp! I know!) Luckily, I'd had it treated and healed right before we moved here, thank goodness, by my mad chiropractor, who used: Active Release Therapy; Shockwave; ultrasound; cupping; acupuncture; and the special acupuncture that also involves electrocution. (Plus physio exercises.) He traumatised me deeply for four months straight, and voila! It's as good as new (though I will never be the same). 

He had fixed my other shoulder the year before, and both times, was like, "HOW did you even do this?" No idea, sir. Sure, stick that vibrating needle into me while I sweat. Please.

Heal thymyself?

But maybe I didn't need to put myself through all that. 

In March, I fell off a (ridiculously small) ladder while hanging didgeridoos, and sprained my right ankle horribly. I was in agony for days, walked with a cane, and could barely move or use the stairs for two full weeks. Even two months later, it was still swollen, and didn't feel right. I resigned myself to the possibility that I would probably never again turn a gentleman's head with my delicate instep run without pain.

BUT THEN! After ten full weeks of painful hobbling, I hopped over a curb, landing badly, twisting and going over my ankle—respraining my hurty ankle, which somehow fixed it completely (yay, science?). I went for a run the next day, realizing five minutes in that, perhaps, I shouldn't have mourned not being able to run, because it's awful.

AND I've realigned my left wrist. I noticed, while sitting with my swollen foot up on an ottoman, that I had a wonky bone sticking out (see also, warranty), and that it hurt (again) when I did pushups.* Here's how I fixed it: by actively not putting it into very weird positions for no good reason. Seriously. I'd find it tucked up/folded in half like a little wing while I watched tv or slept. By focusing on keeping my hand "normal", it got better, in only about six weeks. 

You should definitely follow me for health advice.

It wasn't supposed to happen to me

Like a sucker, I really believed that my entire lifetime of frequent exercise with cardiovascular and weight-bearing activities, coupled with a a pretty healthy diet and obsessive sunscreen use would have given me a leg up on this 'aging with dignity' thing. Alas, no. It's all lies. 

Tonight is pizza night, and I'm going to have it with wine and chips and probably some gin, and no sunscreen because the system is evidently broken.

But yes, my ankle is tantalizingly dainty again, thank you for asking.

*No, Mom, the answer is not, "Maybe you shouldn't be doing pushups."

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